Music.

I know that music is an essential part of life. It is in my life. There are moments when words coming out of my mouth just don't cut it. I need something motivating, inspiring, audible, something that jumps out and grabs my heart. Music does that. On a particular day when everything seems okay, some music is better than others. However, when a crash happens, the uplifting stuff (it doesn't have to be spiritual or even christian) but the music needs to grab your heart and shake you up a bit. Yesterday was yesterday, it was bad, it was hard, it upset me, it turned me upside down, it is now the past. Is it habitual for me to want to focus on how bad I felt, and what words were spoken to me? Yes. Heck Yes. But I am going to choose to listen and focus, and attempt to believe the words spoken to me by the people who love me, who cherish, me and who lift me up. It is hard, I'll be the first to tell you that, however, it isn't easy being miserable either. I say all of this to say that sometimes music lives your life hand in hand. I'm sure if I had the ability I would be a singer/songwriter/artist. But I am not particularly gifted in such things, so I find console in the music of people who are. Music, I feel, gives me a connection to a deeper part of myself that I have chosen over the years to close off, music forces me to feel. Music allows me to live in the moment of what I feel. This may come as a surprise to some, but certain songs will hit me on such an emotional level and speak to me, that I find my breaking point emotionally in that song. And I will replay that song until I am detoxed of that emotion. It truly is an amazing experience. I sometimes want so badly to be through this aspect of my journey, then I find a song and for a moment in it, I find that it isn't so bad to stop and be in a moment, whether it is good or bad. It is okay to stop and experience what is going on around you. Patricia, just stop, don't move forward or backwards, for this one moment just be still, for this one moment experience, for this one moment... BREATHE!