Uninspired.

So I have felt really uninspired lately and it has bothered me. Usually my blogs just pour out like effortless projectile vomit. However, lately has been a completely different story. It is a struggle to produce just the right thoughts and feelings to combine into a cosmically epic blog. Sometimes when I get writers blog I take a look inside of me and find the source of the block. Usually it is because I have an issue that I am refusing to deal with and when I refuse to deal, my thoughts refuse to be productive, therefore my actions refuse to be anything good. With all that said, I sat down tonight at my computer and decided that I wasn't going to allow myself to not write, I owe it to you my two readers, to let you know what is up.

Being inspired I think comes from a lot of different avenues. For some reason though, I haven't taken any of those avenues. I don't know maybe I have been too tired to write, but then I feel guilty because I really don't have anything to be tired about, really. I mean I go and go and go but I do it to myself to keep me busy and to keep my mind preoccupied. I love being busy. So I have chosen not to deal with some things that past few days, and my emotions decided to have a breakdown last night. Good timing on their part, really. I laid in my bed, in a closed off room, had some music playing, and balled my freaking eyes out. I was shocked, I cried hard in my pillow, sniffled when I came out to breathe, then continued the cycle. I slept well however, because I cried myself into exhaustion and eventually sleep. It got me thinking, though, when am I gonna get tired of holding it all in until a breakdown has to happen. I got the answer: It is my nature to be an extremist, I am either extremely put together or extremely unglued. There is very little in between for me. I realized that in my usual environment I am forced to be put together. Being put together is translated as perfection, which I am used to striving for. But here, where I am at right now, I don't have to strive for perfection, this is a foreign concept to me. It is a bad thing to hold it all in here and to not deal. I am having to be retrained constantly because in my extremist nature, I can't have one bad day, that isn't allowed in my book, either I am going to suck it up and not deal with it or it will all force that cork off and pour out.

I am very uninspired.